Sunday, July 16, 2017

5 Things I Learned in My First Year of Marriage

Photo of us taken by the amazing Brian Kwan Photography based in Colorado

   The first year of marriage is behind us. We are just as in love as the day we said, "I do" and we have learned a lot along the way! Marriage is not some cakewalk that means you will be in a honeymoon phase all the time. Sharing your life with someone is HARD! Here are my top five things I have learned in this first year of married life!

   1. Life isn't perfect, neither is marriage
   We are always learning how to be better at our jobs, our hobbies, our relationships, etc. We are ever changing people and sometimes change can be hard...even painful. More likely than not you are marrying someone who is not a carbon copy of you. They might be organized, and you might be a free spirit, you might be a spender and your spouse is a saver etc. etc.

    No matter who you are or who your partner is, there are going to be differences. If you go into marriage thinking it is going to be a cakewalk or get married to fix problems in your relationship...you're gonna have a bad time.

  2. People will ask you more than once when you're having kids.
     It is a natural next step to begin having children after you are married. The perfect time is different for everyone. DO NOT feel pressured by anyone to start having kids until you are ready. Also if you do not want children...don't let other people make you feel like you have to. Here is the thing....kids cost money, need attention, and need to be raised properly so they don't become the degenerates you see on COPS...it is a big undertaking that is not an easy decision.

     I have heard the excuse from military wives that they want to have kids early to have a piece of their spouse if something happens to them while they are deployed. This is probably the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. Please do what is best for you and your spouse...not for others...ever.


   3. Social media is not always an accurate portrayal of marriages
      We like to show our best selves on social media. Am I gonna post a selfie of what I look like at 7 am with pimple cream on my face? No. Is that being self-conscious? Sure. Looking at Pinterest and Instagram can make you feel insecure about your relationship at times. Some couples online are the reason #goals was coined. They are perfection with a filter and we eat it up.

        It isn't a bad thing to find aspirational couples online, there are many couples that are truly incredible. However, know that these couples are not always this perfect and sometimes are far from it. As long as you are strong in your marriage, you do not need to worry about the number of people calling you "#perfectcouple


Brandon and I looking like we have it all together 

Brandon and I in our normal state

     4. Being in a relationship and being married is different
        I guess I thought that we would just continue being the people we are and doing the things we do after we tied the knot. We haven't changed all that much but the dynamic of us as a couple certainly has. This wasn't a bad thing at all, but most people don't really have to think about purchasing life insurance policies, and figuring out how to jointly file taxes when you are not legally bound to one another. 
        There are obvious exceptions to every rule and certain couples live their entire lives together without getting married. Even then though, there is a shift in mindset it feels a heck of a lot better knowing you have someone by your side through life...even if they sometimes leave the toilet seat up.

    
      5. Life is messy, complicated and sometimes scary. When you have the right person with you through it all...it is pretty darn great. 
        We have been through a lot of great and not so great times as a couple. Either way, we are happily together and I wouldn't have it any other way.

          
     





6 comments:

  1. This is fantastic insight! I especially love the Expectations vs. Reality photo of you and Brandon. It's so crazy how everyone looks perfect on social media

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  2. Great post! All so true! I'm coming up on a year and a half and I get bugged daily on the kids matter!

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  3. I'm getting married in a few months and this was definitely interesting to read. We've been together for 8 years and I often wonder how marriage will chance our relationship. These are great, thanks for sharing!

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  4. Lovely to have a special relationship and be able to talk about it openly too!

    Enjoy the journey!

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  5. This is so true and generous, life is all about ups and down and after marriage you have to manage both life. its really awesome to read this .

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  6. Everytime we meeting with people they asking about kids :D thanks for sharing your experience!

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