Tuesday, August 14, 2018

The BIGGEST Mistake Military Spouses Make After A PCS

Welcome to your new home for the next 2-5+ years. You didn't want to come here at all. Actually, it is probably the last place you wanted to have your family sent to.

Sound familiar? It does for me.

Let's go back a few months. We were stationed in Arizona when we found out we were moving to the post lovingly called, "The Armpit of the Army." I mean sure it was closer to family (by that I mean a much shorter plane ride) but that was about the only positive thing I could find.

Fast forward to now, my mindset has completely changed. I realized I was about to make a huge mistake when we first PCSd here. It was the same one I made at our first duty station.

I did not take advantage of the community around me.

Sounds simple enough right? For a majority of spouses that is not the case.

I felt some sort of animosity toward the world around me since it was not the one I grew up in. While this is an extremely childish approach, this is the one I took. I felt that "those people" wouldn't get me, wouldn't understand, etc. etc. I could not have been more misguided.

I didn't want to be a "joiner" just because I wanted to make friends. I didn't want to seem desperate for friendship, even though I was. I tried to fight the advice of others and do things the my way. I missed out.

When you first get to your new duty station you absolutely need to immerse yourself in the community. You need to be everyone's friend or join every club, you need to get out of your damn house. I found every excuse in the book to not be involved, to the point that I did not go to a single FRG meeting, meet-up, etc. at our first duty station.

I don't just mean the military community either. The civilian community is one that many military members and their families do not get involved in. But why? How else would you learn about the best kept secrets where you live without them?

Do not put limitations on your friendships to fit some narrow idea of what relationships in the military should be like. Deployments will come and you will be lonely. The friendships you make can dull that sting a bit and help you appreciate your even crappiest duty station a little bit more.



  1. This describes the community at our current base to a T!!!!!! it's SO HARD finding community because so many people feel this way!

  2. The thing I hate about moving is leaving friends. However, the best thing is making new friends, even if it takes awhile. It is important to put yourself out there, but keep your values in tact and look for people that lift you up!! Great post!


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