Wednesday, August 22, 2018

15 Thoughts Spouses Have During Deployment That Are Totally Normal

 Deployments bring a tsunami wave of thoughts and emotions. If you are anything like me, your thoughts are most likely all over the place. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who was having certain thoughts about deployment.

You probably feel like you are the only one who wonders, "Is it bad that I like having the bed to myself?" Trust me, you are in good company.

Here are fifteen thoughts that are completely normal to feel during a deployment:

1."Is it okay, that I feel completely okay?" 
 For some people, deployment does not feel that hard. The distance stinks, but the rest of it is not all bad. Some people can cope better with distance or have dealt with it before. It doesn't mean you love your spouse any less.

2. "I don't know how I'm going to handle sleeping in this house alone."
 I felt the same exact way. We invested in a security system and I felt a lot better. Plus, I have a small dog that thinks he is a doberman.

3. "It is kinda nice not having gear all over the place."

4. "What happens if :insert unfortunate scenario here: and I have no one to help me?"
The military community is good at one thing, taking care of their own. Two weeks into my husband's second deployment, I swerved to avoid hitting a car that made an illegal turn and popped two of my tires. If it wasn't for two of my friends helping me take the car to get fixed, I would've been stuck.
If you are dealing with something a bit more difficult, contact your FRG leader or Ombudsman. They can connect you to the resources you need.

5. "I want to go home during deployment is that bad?"
Not at all.

6. "I've decided to stay here for deployment, is that bad?"

7. "I feel guilty for having fun without my spouse."
I feel like this sometimes. For some reason, I feel like I don't deserve to have a good time since he is not either. Staying busy and interacting with others is what can make or break a deployment. Have fun.

8. "I'm afraid people will judge me for going out or taking trips while my spouse is gone."
That is their issue. If it works for YOUR relationship and you can respect your marriage while having fun, it is not their business. 

9. "I'm angry at my spouse for leaving even though I know it isn't their fault."
This is a thought that I am always angry at myself for thinking. It is really hard to place blame on the military in general, since their job pretty much guarantees they will be sent away. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.

10. "I feel like I don't have much to say when we are able to talk."
After a while, everyday starts to feel like the movie Groundhog's Day. Sometimes, your conversations will feel like the same one over and over. This doesn't mean that you are having communication issues, this means you have gotten use to this "new normal."

11. "I feel like I am not sending care packages that are 'cool enough'"
I am not good at all. I used to get really worried that just sending stuff in a box wasn't enough. I'm sure you have see the amazing boxes some spouses send on social media. As long as you send the things your spouses asks for and a nice note, they will be very happy.

12. "I have this weird sense of dread with homecoming getting closer."
Think about it this way, you now have a routine that is about to get completely thrown out of whack. You also have this homecoming built up in your head, which probably isn't helping. This does not meant that you do not want to see your spouse! This means that a big adjustment is coming.

13. "I'm afraid that our relationship will be different."
Deployments can range from six months to a year. Things will be different when you start living your lives together again. It will take time to readjust.

14. "Holidays and birthdays just feel like another day. I'm not in the mood to celebrate."
Spending any important anniversary or holiday away from your loved one is hard. It doesn't matter if your spouse is gone for a week or a year. I'm not going to tell you that you have to celebrate how you normally would, but don't let yourself be miserable for the entire day.

15. "I don't think I can handle this."
I promise you can. You might feel this way once in a while, but this will come to an end.


1 comment

  1. Sometimes it is helpful to be reminded that you are not alone!


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