My Easy & Calming Evening Routine During Deployment

If you know me, you know I am someone who does not know how to relax. No seriously, I am terrible at it.

I need to constantly be doing something or else my mind starts going a thousand miles a minute!

Since my husband has been gone for the last several months, I have felt that anxiety even more. I feel the sting the most during the evenings.

Things go bump in the night a whole lot louder and more frequently when you are home alone. I decided the best way to combat my anxiety, was to have a set routine to unwind and destress.

It actually helped!

There are so many different ways to end your day on a high note. Here is what I do to unwind even after a hectic day.

1. Cook a healthy meal
I find cooking oddly relaxing. I know many do not feel the same way. I have used Blue Apron for this entire deployment and have LOVED IT. I can pick meals based on my preferences and can look at the nutrition facts. I don't have to go out and buy ingredients I will only use once.

Since the meals are two servings, I have lunch to bring the next day as well!


2. Put on a podcast
I don't watch as much TV as I used to. If I watch something right before bed, I feel that I can't fall asleep easily. I need to have background noise, so podcasts are the perfect way to do that.

My current favorites are Uncover: Escaping NXIVM, Up and Vanished, and Serial!

3. Plan the next day
If I didn't use my planner, I would have no idea what I'm doing with my life! I check it every night and update to-do lists and schedules as needed. I have used so many planners over the years but Plum Paper Planner has been my favorite so far!

 4. Tidy up the living room and kitchen.
 I HATE having a dirty kitchen. I love nothing more than coming home to an already clean space. Since I cook I always make sure I have a clean space to cook.

How do I get motivated to clean at the end of the day? I watch youtube videos of people cleaning...I'm dead serious.

Click Here for one of my favorite cleaning motivation videos!
 
 5. Get the good smells going
I don't burn candles because of the smoke and fire risk. Instead, I have wax warmers in my bedroom and living room. I love to use a chai tea scent in my bedroom and a lemon verbena scent in my living room.

I love that I can keep them going as long as I need to and can leave the room without worrying about a flame.


6. Mat Time
I recently purchased an acupressure mat. I was having issues with my shoulder after working out that would keep me up at night.

Oh my goodness, it is the most AMAZING thing on the planet.

Who knew that laying on a bed of nails would feel so relaxing. It definitely takes some getting used to at first. I can lay on it for 20 minutes and almost fall asleep.

7. GET OFF THE PHONE
I will be the first to say that I break this rule more often than I would like to admit. With my husband being on the other side of the world, the evening is one of the few times I get to speak to him.

I make sure to call them to tell him goodnight then I make it point to put the phone as far away from me as possible.

8. Put on the podcast that puts me to sleep
I like to have some background noise when I sleep. Since I don't want to have a TV on when I go to sleep, I have instead turned to podcasts.

The podcast "Sleep With Me: The Podcast That Puts You To Sleep," has been my saving grace. Host Drew Ackerman just reads you bedtime stories in the most calming yet boring voice ever. I have never stayed up for an entire episode.
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I would be lying if I said I did this routine EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. But when I do, I wake up feeling refreshed and ready to start my day.

I hope this post inspires you to get an evening routine of your own!

The Military Spouse Mental Health Problem

**Please note that I am not a medical professional. I do not have any professional background in mental health.**

If you are currently experiencing a mental health emergency, please contact the Military Crisis Line at 800-273-8255 and Press 1 or text 838255 for online chat. This service is available 24/7 and completely confidential.

The military has a problem treating mental health in active and retired military members.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness has found that military members are five times more likely to have depression than civilians. Traumatic Brain Injuries and PTSD are major problems among those who have deployed post 9/11. (Source: NAMI)

We could go on forever about the stigma of mental illness in the military. How the suicide rate among military members has nearly doubled since 2004. How bases like Fort Hood, Texas suffer an average of one suicide per month. The unfortunate reality of the mental health crisis in the military is becoming harder to avoid with every passing day. (Source: USA Today)

But then there are the families of the military members. They have significantly higher chances of having a mental illness than family members of civilians. They experience significantly higher levels of anxiety and depressions due to the stress of their spouse's job, moving constantly, etc. (Source: National Center for Biotechnology Information)

Not surprisingly, there is not a lot of research done about the mental health of dependents.

But should the military be responsible for the mental health of dependents? If they are responsible, what kind of treatment should they offer? How do dependents find out about these treatments?

Since I am a military spouse, I figured I could get some more personal and honest answers. I decided to reach out to fellow spouses the best way I knew how...Facebook.

There are TONS of military spouse Facebook groups. How did I find out what a redeployment ceremony is like? Facebook groups. How did I learn what vet to pick when we moved? Facebook groups. Military spouses love Facebook. So why not take advantage of it?

I reached out to spouses of all walks of life. I received 215 anonymous responses to a six-question survey. I have concluded that the best way to present some of my findings, is through infographics and charts.

I was shocked that 66% of spouses surveyed said they had a mental health problem while being a military spouse. Over half. That is a problem.

But still, is it the military's problem?

I asked, "What do you think the military could improve in regards to mental health awareness for dependents?"

While the answers to some questions varied I noticed two common responses. Many spouses fear the stigma of seeking help and/or do not know who to turn to for help.

One spouse commented that the military needs to, "[Have] information and resources more readily available and easy to access. As a dependent, there were times when I tried seeking out help but didn’t know who or where I could turn to. I didn’t want to get my husband's chain of command involved and aside from them my husband was also at a loss as to where to guide me."

Another spouse wrote, "My husband and I arrived at his FDS last year. The integration with his unit was horrible. Of course, there have been changes to Tricare, so it is difficult to keep people up to date. I don't feel like they care in general though. 40% of soldiers on our base just deployed. Wives are on Facebook every day asking what to do about depression."

I also received a few responses from spouses who felt the military does enough already.

"I really do not think it is the military's job to coddle us. My husband has deployed for 15 months, 13 months, and 3-12 month deployments. If I have an issue, which anxiety and depression are my good friends I pick up the phone and call a mental health care professional. The military gives us some of the cheapest, maybe not the greatest, health care out there. Please use it" 

"I had depression and anxiety recognized immediately by my PCM and I was referred to a mental health professional immediately. I loved working with her and. I have the tools I need to help myself and my family. I’ve been very very pleased with my mental health care from the army."

The military does have programs put in place for military members and their families. Military Family Life Counselors provide non-medical counseling free of charge to military members and their families. TRICARE also works with primary care doctors to properly refer and treat mental health issues. Military One Source is a great way to learn more about what resources are available to you. These are fantastic resources to help navigate what treatment route is best for you.

However, no mental health problem is the same. Everyone has a different experience. A person might take one treatment route or multiple methods of treatment. A one size fits all approach is often the issue with the military mental health treatment. 

I asked people to include what their treatment was when they selected other. 

Here are a few of those responses: 

• Yoga
• Bible Study Group
• Exercise
• Marijuana
• Friends and Family
• Holistic Therapies
• Emotional Support Animal 
• Self Care

What is an effective treatment for some, could be detrimental to others. There are so many great options that are simply poorly advertised and promoted. Spouses can feel forgotten and lost in the system. Family Readiness groups are sometimes slow to relay these resources to spouses...if they do it at all. Since FRGs are all run differently, there is no way to know who is getting what kind of information.

A spouse commented, "Mental health is complicated for EVERYONE and a stay at home spouse is less likely to be noticed having a mental health issue than an active duty member just based on visibility. Supervisors and unit leadership should be asking members about their families and then following up."

The military has a very long way to go when it comes to mental health treatment. Mental health has only become a more publicized issue in the last decade. We cannot expect changes to happen overnight but we should not become complacent. Our military members and families deserve much more.

Important Resources for Military Spouses in Crisis

This post is meant to serve as a guideline that breaks down important phone numbers and organizations that can assist spouses (or ANYONE) who are experiencing a difficult situation. Disclaimer: I cannot guarantee the outcome of any of the organizations or phone numbers. I am not affiliated with any of these organizations or groups. 

If you are in a LIFE THREATENING situation call 9-1-1

- Germany 110

- Italy 112

- South Korea 119

-Japan 110

-Guam 911

**Please feel free to print out the chart below!

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If you would like more information on what resources and programs are available to military members and their families, I highly recommend the following links:

     1. Military One Source: Military One Source provides a range of programs, referrals and information for military members, family members and veterans

     2. Army One Source- Specific support for those serving in the Army and their familes. Includes referrals to programs inside the Army. Programs vary from New Parent Support Groups to Transition Assistance. 

     3. Fleet and Family Support Program (Navy)- Provides programs and assistance to Navy Members and their families

     4. Marine Corps Community Services Forward- Provides assistance and information from topics that vary from Wellness to Fitness. Available for Marine Corps members, their families and veterans

     5. Wingman Toolkit (Airforce)- A brand new website dedicated to building resiliency throughout Air Force members and their families.

If you have any other information that can help military families who are going through a difficult time PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment below! The more resources we have the better.