6 Things No One Tells You About Living Alone

I always thought living alone would be something I would do at some point in my life. It wasn't until my late twenties that I found out what it truly felt like.

Since my husband has been deployed I've gotten a taste of what living alone has been like. Although there are some negatives, I definitely have found some positive sides of doing it on your own!

1. Your sense of responsibility will explode.
No one else is getting those dishes in the sink clean. That load of laundry is not going to get magically folded.

You are running the whole show. How your home is handled, cleaned, etc. is dictated by you.

The biggest takeaway I got from being a one-woman show is to manage my time wisely. When I come home from work I know that I am the one to make sure the house is the way I want it to be.

2. You will get used to sleeping alone.
I used to be terrified of sleeping anywhere alone. I would keep all my lights and tv on...and didn't sleep because of it.

While the neighborhood I live in is completely safe, the surrounding area can get a bit dicey. I would always recommend in investing in a security system before anything else. You can find wireless security cameras and security systems that work great!

I listen to podcasts to have some noise in the background. I also sleep with a very protective doxie with a napoleon complex.

3. You won't always hate living alone.
I currently sleep in the starfish position on a diagonal in my king sized bed. It is amazing. I highly recommend it when you have the bed to yourself.


4. A good cleaning routine can save your sanity.
 I need routines to stay on track. My brain can go in a million directions at once. I like to clean in the mornings and on the weekend. I chose one room to deep clean and tidy up throughout the day.

I also have an evening wind down routine...because apparently I need routines to function.

5. You will feel overwhelmed at times.
Sometimes you will feel like this weight on your shoulder. Sometimes it will feel downright crappy being alone. I have not found a single person who has not felt the same way.

It is okay to not feel okay all the time.

However, if this feeling starts to feel debilitating I would highly recommend reaching out to a professional. It is not stupid or dumb to feel sad about being on your own.

6. Using a meal delivery service is a great idea if you are cooking for one.
Not sponsored. I am just someone who loves to cook, but hates to grocery shop.

There are not a lot of healthy food options in my area. I have found that getting my ingredients delivered to me has been the best way to go.

I can choose what meals I want and I don't have to go out and buy an ingredient I will only use once. Since most meal kits are meant for two servings, you have something ready for lunch the next day!

Being Cautious with Advice in Military Life

   I understand the blatant irony of this post. I write about military life and relationships. I like to give a perspective and advice to people who have experienced similar things to myself.

   BUT I am nowhere near an expert when it comes to eh about 85% of military life. The most obvious reason would be that I myself do not serve, my husband does. The less obvious is that although the military community is tiny, it is a vastly different experience from person to person.

   I have loved duty stations that others have loathed and I have not understood the desire to live OCONUS while others adore living abroad.

  The great thing and the bad thing about the military community you see online is that we have all had different experiences. No one can truly tell you what to expect if you get stationed at Ft.Hood or Twentynine Palms. They are one person and have had one experience. Their likes and dislikes are not the same as yours and their personalities could be the opposite of you.

   Do not set your expectations based on one person's viewpoint. 

   It will hinder your experiences and make you think either you are wrong or they are crazy.

   I have met so many awesome people who are totally opposite of me and it has been one of the highlights of moving around in the military. I have also met people that have given me AWFUL advice. An example of this is, "I don't bother making friends with other wives they are all drama." or "I don't get involved in anything, it is a waste of time."

   You know what is even worse?

   I LISTENED TO THEM FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS. I now realize how truly dumb I was to just take their advice as gospel.

   I say this as someone who truly hopes and prays that everyone enjoys this crazy life and makes the most of it.....use the utmost discretion when listening to others advice...even mine. You are your own person and at the end of the day, you know what is best for your relationship and your life.

   We all need different things and respond differently to challenges and successes in life. I can tell you deployments are not bad while someone else can tell you it nearly ended their marriage.

   Perspective is a great thing but so is making sure it doesn't cloud what you think or how you feel.

Managing Expectations In Military Life

     I recently started bullet journaling. For those that don't know it is essentially using a notebook or journal as your own custom planner. One of the components that some people use is a "year at a glance" page. After creating my page I realized that it was a complete waste of time to have this page. I didn't know where I would be in the next three months let alone the next year. 

    "The only constant in life is change," is a quote I believe perfectly applies to military life. 

      You think you're moving somewhere, then you aren't. You think you'll be able to find your perfect job easily at your new post, but it takes longer than expected. We have this idea in our minds on how we would like things to go but sometimes they simply don't. This doesn't always have to be a negative thing and can sometimes even be for the better. Managing the expectations we have for our experience with military life is essential to making sure we make this experience worthwhile.

    It is impossible to know what the future will hold in military life or not. We can go months or even years with minimal bumps in the road, only to have a sudden deployment date that changes five times. I used to think that the best expectations were to have none at all. But, it made me feel lke I was just kind of floating through life....and I was bored. I can't live my life expecting things to always change at a moments notice. Changes will come and they can sometimes come more frequently than normal, but we cannot lose track of what is important like our relationships, goals and passions.

Image Credit: Mark Baker

    Acknowledge What You Feel
          You don't have to be "fine" with every new or unexpected thing that will happen in your life. I have made the mistake of burying my emotions a million times over and it did nothing but make me even more miserable. You can be angry, you can cry, and you can "angry cry". It is not shameful to not react positively to every change that comes your way.

    Seek Wisdom
            I recently started to attend a bible study where I would say at least 65% of the women are spouses of career military veterans. They have been through events in their life that most of us cannot imagine. They are a wealth of knowledge when it comes to military relationships and can provide a perspective most of us do not have.
           If you aren't in a bible study like I am, I would recommend taking a look at some facebook groups that are geared toward military spouses. There are also a plethora of blogs run by spouses of military members who have been in for 10+ years. There are so many great resources out there that can help with navigating what comes next in military life.

   Don't Give Up On Your Goals
           Just because plans and timelines change does not mean that you need to stop everything you are doing. You may have to switch focus in the short term, but I encourage you to not just give up on what you love or want to achieve. My goal was to make this blog a great resource for military spouses like myself who knew nothing about military life. If I gave up the multiple times I wanted to, I would probably be going crazy right now!
          Also when things go sideways, having something to focus on has helped me tremendously when things feel like they are out of my control.